


Love Won’t Keep You From Getting Hurt

by Monisse



Category: The Night Shift (TV 2014)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-05
Updated: 2020-10-05
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:54:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26826934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Monisse/pseuds/Monisse
Summary: In the aftermath of losing their baby, Jordan and T.C. find themselves at different sides of an argument, with anger, guilt and pain filling the growing void between them.
Relationships: Jordan Alexander/T. C. Callahan
Kudos: 9





	Love Won’t Keep You From Getting Hurt

**Author's Note:**

> Due to its theme, this story took me a couple of months to finish and edit. And although there is heavy angst ahead, I still wanted to fill the gap of their break up after such loss.  
> Please enjoy.

Jordan watched with indifference how the world passed by outside the car with the hazy quality of a waking dream. There was a deafening ringing in her ears, every sound seemed muffled and distant. All along, she focused her gaze beyond her own reflection on the window, attempting to ignore the pale face, red rimmed eyes and the expression of complete misery that stared back at her.

In the scorching heat of San Antonio, the people that walked up and down the streets remained oblivious to the heavy silence inside the car as T.C. drove by. Everyone smiled, laughed even, and Jordan found herself hating them. She hated their ability to enjoy life while she was falling apart inside, carrying a heartache that threatened to engulf her at any moment.

“Jordan?”

Her name pierced the fog in her chaotic mind and it took a while to notice that they had arrived at her house.

Paws scrapped the wood floor as soon as she opened the front door, announcing Max running towards them. His tail wagged happily in welcome and Jordan smiled for the first time in days. Max looked at her expectantly with dark round eyes full of love and compassion, as if he understood the meaning of loss all too well despite being a dog.

"Settle down, buddy." T.C. said while pulling Max gently by the collar and away from Jordan.

Her head pounded heavily to the beat of her heart and all muscles seemed to hurt, the pain was so intense at times that she was assaulted by frequent waves of nausea. Jordan had finally been cleared to go home and a full recovery was expected after a few days of medication. The physical pain would be gone for sure, but what about the raw ache she felt on her chest every time her hands reached to her stomach just to be reminded of its emptiness in a flash of brutal reality? She wondered if that kind of pain would ever be gone.

A myriad of questions crystalized in a mind that was still filled to the brim with chemicals and guilt, a mind which had not yet fully adapted to a body that was separated from a small life while unconscious.

T.C. helped her up the stairs and into the bedroom with a strong arm surrounding her waist and a firm grip on her hand. She welcomed the security he provided, even now, with both falling apart with each step. He maneuvered Jordan to the bed, helped her into comfortable clothes and eased her between the sheets. After he adjusted the pillows on her back, she heaved a long sigh of relief as her body finally relaxed in the familiar comfort of her own bed.

He moved to seat at the edge of the bed, bent forward with elbows on his knees and slumped shoulders, the weight of the world seemed to reside on his back.

Jordan avoided looking at him, not yet able to confront the devastation she had created. In the unbearable silence, she absently watched the curtains become alive with the light breeze that came through the window. They moved in waves and the slow movement bathed the bedroom in tricks of sunlight and shadows, a welcomed distraction from the acute feeling of loss she felt.

“Do you need something? Food, water?” he offered.

Her eyes moved to him briefly in reflex and noticed that he had spoken without looking at her either. He stared down at his hands and flexed his fingers as if testing their ability to function, undoubtedly feeling useless himself.

“I need my baby.” her voice sounded foreign to her ears, flat, devoid of the fire and confidence that usually infused it.

“I couldn’t save you both…” his voice faltered, only briefly, but she noticed it nonetheless.

Jordan only nodded while her eyes burned with freshly formed tears. Silence settled in the room for what felt like an eternity. It filled the void that was rapidly growing between them, tearing them apart, ripping the trust and love build over the years and turning friends into strangers.

“Is this the end then?” T.C. asked without preamble.

“Of what?”

“Us.” The short answer lived suspended in the air for a while without acknowledgement and when he spoke again a minute later, he did so without hesitation. “You made it painfully clear that you don't want a future with me anymore, so it’s best if I stay away for good this time.”

His resolve cut her like a sharp knife through an already torn body, painfully enough to wake her from the hazy state she had been immersed in the past days and into the real consequences of her decision.

When T.C. said her full name and asked the question, the part of her that had dreamed of it for nearly a decade had wanted to say ‘yes’ to the man that loved her unconditionally, that made her laugh like no other, a kind and loving man that she couldn't rip from her heart despite all efforts. The only one she came back to, over and over again.

But all Jordan saw when he proposed was his darkest side; the shadows of war constantly lurking in the corners of his mind, the insatiable need for the thrill of danger with a complete disregard for his own life and the worry of those that love him, the self-destructive behavior, living often on edge, and constantly choosing others over her.

In that moment, staring at his pleading eyes filled with tears and facing that beautiful ring that sparkled under the fluorescent lights of the hospital, doubts creeped into her mind and a part of her wanted to hurt him as badly as she was hurting. ‘No’ had crossed her lips instead, and she watched his heart shatter with the answer.

How ironic, Jordan thought to herself, that she spent a good part of their time together waiting for a serious commitment and when he finally did, she rejected him in a heartbeat. And now he was rejecting her back.

“Why am I not surprised?” she scoffed.

“What do you mean?” his eyes flashed back to her and she took in his downright miserable appearance for the first time since they arrived.

Dark hair stuck out in some places, his eyes were red and framed by dark circles of skin. The stress lines were hatched deep into his face for lack of proper sleep since he went to Iraq with Topher.

“This is what you do always do! You leave every time things get hard so you don’t have to handle the pain or face the consequences of your actions.”

“You're being unfair, Jordan.”

“I’m the one being unfair when everything has to be what you want and whenever you want? You always decide on a whim what to do and expect me to follow.”

His voice rose above hers, grave and desperate, “I thought you wanted us to be together too, a family.”

“There's no family anymore, T.C.! I lost my baby!” the unavoidable truth sunk in and she feared that her heart would break its way through her chest and lay bare on the space that separated them.

“It was my baby too.” he reminded her.

A flood of hurtful words was ready to burst out of her, but she held them back. Instead, she said quietly, “Yeah it was and you still left to go halfway around the world anyway.”

“I had to help Topher; you know that. What if we lost our friend?” he moved closer and reached to her hand, pleading to her reason.

Jorden pulled her hands out of his reach, avoiding all contact now, and closed them tightly around the sheet instead. “We ended up losing a part of us anyway.”

“And we’re both hurting badly, Jordan, but I don’t see any way for us to be together if we don’t move past this loss.”

Jordan looked at him incredulously, green eyes burning into brown ones. That angry feeling capable to hurting him returned with a vengeance for he, of all people, should know how hard it was to feel alright again.

“How easy do you think it is to move past the fact that you chose to leave your pregnant girlfriend behind to put yourself in danger for another person, _again_? Just look where that decision got us.”

“Ah, there it is. You're blaming me.”

“No, the loss of our baby is not your fault, but the truth is that you always choose others over me, over us. Thad, Annie, Topher, again and again. How can I trust that you'll be here for me when I need you the most?”

“They are my family!” he said explosively.

Her reply came out just as loud and left her lips as an unfiltered by-product of pain “And what am I to you after all this time?”

His face was suddenly transformed with hurt and she felt the unfairness of the question immediately. Jordan knew well enough that there was a special place in his life for her, even though it did not always feel like that. She opened her mouth to apologize, perhaps for more than just that question, but the words remained lodged somewhere in her throat refusing to admit fault. She sighed instead.

She was exhausted from fighting with him, from worrying about him constantly, and she did not have the energy, or the will, to go on. “You’re right, you should leave.”

A myriad of emotions flashed across his eyes, surprise, pain and inevitably, acceptance. Looking every bit as weary as she felt, T.C. slowly rose from the bed and made his way towards the door.

He paused there briefly, looked towards her again and spoke softly, “It was not a whim. I got that ring before my last tour, even took it with me. It was the motivation I needed to stay alive and come home to you, but I guess it doesn't matter anymore.”

To her dismay he crossed the threshold of the bedroom door and all she heard were his heavy steps down the stairs. Max ran after him barking his disapproval, mimicking her conflicting feelings without words, asking T.C. to come back in his own way. The front door closed brutally and she flinched at the sound.

A part of her, the one that wanted to crawl onto his lap and cry until her eyes ran dry, silently begged him to come back, yet the other part lacked the patience to entertain his behavior, which had barely changed since they met. That part allowed him to leave.

A pathetic whimper left her lips and they trembled as tears fell freely down her cheeks. Max, with his welcoming furry warmth, snuggled closer and she sobbed without control then, mourning the loss of life and love. And though Jordan still loved T.C. and did not doubt his profound love for her, something between them had been broken and she was not sure it could ever be mended.


End file.
